Do not wonder why she’s a pool of barefooted tears in the pouring rain.
Low tolerance, and high walls.
Dissolved cries absorb into the morgue of the sky, as she treads the line.
She’s a red line in a white sky.
She nurtures her soul for the sake of its upkeep.
Her feet retire,
she takes her last breath, as she feels her soul slowly expire.
Wolves come…disguised in designer clothes that they stole from someone else,
robbing her of all her details until nothing is left.
She cannot be blamed for her new found barriers,
her heart cannot be tamed,
fearful of more trial and error.
I imagine her licking her own wounds as she knelt,
tasting her own tears as she wept. Hope, hanging above the ceiling
suffocated by a leather belt.
She gasps for one last breath.
Wolves have led her millions of steps in the wrong direction, dressed in those same designer clothes…led her down some of the most beautiful paths as the walk soon began,
then led her into hell, unprotected.
She cannot be blamed for becoming the woman she was once.
Her old self may have been more loyal to her than anyone else.
Through it all, she still tries to love, start a new page,
but familiarity is a drug.
She’s a flashlight inside the mind of a blind man,
bringing sun into his world as he sees it for the first time.
But her heart is the Great Wall of China,
molded into its own design.
She’s become the company she has kept.
She’s a wolf,
dressed in designer clothes herself.
I walk through valleys of shadows, silhouettes of death.
Breath lingering into the air, damaged beyond repair.
Bludgeon objects attack my brain,
forcing me to question sanity.
My voice churns in despair.
My suitcase compartments
and bottled up inadequacies show wear and tear.
Barbaric thoughts sail the coast of the boxes trapped inside my head,
floating atop the black ice,
through the cold sea that courses through my bloodstream.
My soul hardened.
I must redefine old thoughts of peace that once seemed ancient.
Puzzle pieces of my own remains complain of incompletion.
I have loathed the decisions that my eyes have partaken onto my soul.
My exterior lies reformed,
my interior scorned.
I feel myself welcomed into the box inside my mind,
nailed shut with open arms.
It is easiest to declare war against the pains that buried me,
the demons that met with me,
performing the most somber melody.
There are angels and I,
we fell from heaven together.
It was in that moment that my world changed.
I could conquer my pain and move along,
or we could both lose,
for as long as I need to lose.
Existing into a life without sun.
My skies are dark,
my clouds shades of black and grey.
Stars align back into the world which they may have come.
It is with me they cannot roam free.
My most important pieces,
have become lost in moments,
and time that falls from my eyes to travel upon my cheek.
I look into a painted mirror thoughtless,
a heartless gladiator.
A cold winter in sync with storms, as if we are one.
I wring my heart out,
watching the blood hit the floor.
Realizing that I didn’t feel a thing.
Wiping my hands onto my clothes, I’ve become masks no one can see.
I try and claim the world propelled with arrogance. The reigns that shackle the chains around my neck behead my voice and puts pain in it. I flirt with the dangerous confinements I’m not aligned with. Atop it all, I excel through loves’ tests, and I fail the assignments. I am nothing if not a character with a mind hand made for greatness in areas I never wanted. I look at you and I see restraints. I try to move close, and feel chains. Strained around my ankles, and bound by each finger. The smell of your touch still lingers when I move. I demean your truth for a better one that I can live. I see your face and melt into the things that I miss.
I imagine your face as you cough up deformed chunks of my broken heart.
Until it sickens you.
Bickering, and belittling the demeaning depictions of you.
Violently obliterating the harsh words trapped inside my throat
For the remainder of your life, I know that you will suffer without a cure.
Rainbows creak outside my bedroom window. Like creases of sun, after the pouring rain. Stained glass. The result of disruption. You looked like the joy that peered its beautiful eyes from within the clouds. You looked like happiness, that would never know pain. Like light. That would never know dark
You keep me sane, by driving me insane.